wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
