i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
I believe in your delicious
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Randomize
