sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
