If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
