this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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