You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Randomize
