I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
