worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
Houston, we have a squirter
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
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