yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
There's always time for handjobs
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
