Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
