I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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