She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
