My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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