Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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