p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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