remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
