i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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