what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
Randomize
