you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
We talked him into tasing himself.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Randomize
