What did we do last night that was yellow?
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
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