This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
You know, be my cock's hype man.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
