So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
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