I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
