i may or may not be watching the land before time
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Randomize
