does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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