the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Randomize
