Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
40s are totally the cure
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
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