So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Randomize
