So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
