If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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