Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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