Whats the glycemic index on semen?
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
