i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Randomize
