Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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