I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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