Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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