I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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