Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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