My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
