O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
