Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
of course. lets lasso hookers.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize
