Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
it's like iHOP with fire
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
