ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
