He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Randomize
