cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Randomize
