just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
