Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Randomize
