I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Randomize
