My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
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