Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Randomize
