I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
