from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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