not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
